even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
