her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
