I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
