why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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