If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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