just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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