was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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