somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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