I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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