I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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