Sry I called you an 8
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
