Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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