im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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