areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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