Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize