He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
