i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
