i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
