I could have mohawked her pubes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
