apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
