You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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