he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
