Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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