pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
These tits shall not be calmed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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