Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
