and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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