summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
