dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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