Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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