we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
