i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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