The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
