sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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