she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
