I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
