just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think my moral compass just broke
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