dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
