It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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