So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
