I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
