I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
