Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
