I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
