lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
