You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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