im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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