I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
