a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
