...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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