My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
