he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
