Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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