Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
