he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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