Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize