Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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