in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The air was thick with penises
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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