I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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