Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
