yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
