Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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