yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
