this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
